Statistics indicate that 70% of relationships don’t make it past the first year, often due to challenges like poor communication, unmet expectations, and trust issues. To address these challenges and coninciding with Valentine’s Day, I’m excited to introduce a proposed RELATIONSHIP AGREEMENT.
As its name implies, a relationship agreement outlines the expectations and repercussions of failing to meet these expectations for partners throughout a relationship. This agreement is versatile and can benefit a wide range of relationships, whether you’re (a) a married couple seeking to enhance your existing relationship (b) couples without plans for marriage or in a civil partnership; or (c) individuals looking to enter into a solid relationship, etc.
SAMPLE RELATIONSHIP AGREEMENT
PERKS OF A RELATIONSHIP AGREEMENT
Here are 3 compelling reasons why crafting a relationship agreement could be beneficial for you and your partner (or potential partner):
1. Clarifying Expectations: Communication is key in any relationship, but sometimes verbal communication alone isn’t enough to ensure both partners are on the same page. By putting your wishes into writing, you open the door to deeper discussions and mutual understanding.
For example, a simple statement like “I like gifts” could mean different things to different people – you might think that on their birthday you can help them clean the house and that the act of service is considered a thoughtful gesture. To your dismay, your partner prefers tangible gifts – perhaps because they can look at it and keep it. Clarifying expectations in writing helps avoid misunderstandings and disappointment down the road.
2. Certainty and Commitment: By outlining mutual commitments and responsibilities, each partner can feel assured about the future of the relationship. Additionally, it can be seen as a sweet gesture which shows you the length your partner would go to make it work with you. And for those who struggling to get married, who knows it might even lead to marriage as you both become accustomed to the terms that foster a healthy relationship.
3. Addressing Potential Conflicts: I’ve always believed that the strength of any relationship lies in the partners’ ability to effectively resolve conflict. This is because it is often during moments of breakdown that endpoints manifest. A relationship agreement allows you to anticipate and address potential conflicts or disagreements, so that you and your partner can approach difficult times with greater resilience and foresight.
ENFORCEABILITY
The first thing that comes to people’s mind when I brought up the relationship agreement topic was “prenups” – how would such agreements hold water in court, in Malaysia? It is a common misconception that prenups are not enforceable in Malaysia. However, it’s important to differentiate the type of relationship agreement we’re discussing from traditional prenuptial agreements or “prenups”.
While prenups face legal challenges and religious taboos in some contexts, the relationship agreement under discussion is more akin to cohabitation agreements, which are generally enforceable as long as the agreement meets the legal requirements for consideration (see below ).
(While there is misconception that prenups are unenforceable in Malaysia, courts have considered them to be relevant when deciding on property division in divorce proceedings, so long as the agreement does not contradict the provisions outlined in the Law Reform (Marriage and Divorce) Act 1976. The status of prenuptial agreements in Malaysia and England following the landmark case of Radmacher (formerly Granatino) v Granatino, along with various religious perspectives, are discussed in detail here.)
CONSIDERATION
For any contract to be legally enforceable, it must typically include consideration. Here’s what is considered valid consideration in Malaysia:
Value: Consideration must have some value in the eyes of the law. It doesn’t necessarily have to be monetary; it could be a promise, an act, forbearance (refraining from doing something), or anything else that has value.
Bargained-for Exchange: Consideration must be part of a bargained-for exchange. This means that each party must give something and receive something in return. The exchange must be voluntary and agreed upon by all parties involved.
Legality: The consideration must be lawful. It cannot involve anything illegal or against public policy.
Adequacy: The consideration doesn’t need to be of equal value between the parties, but it must be sufficient. Courts generally don’t examine whether the consideration is proportionate to the value of what is received; they focus on whether there was a real exchange between the parties.
Mutuality: Each party must give something of value and receive something of value in return. If only one party provides consideration, the contract may be deemed void for lack of mutuality.
Past Consideration: Generally, past consideration (consideration given before the contract is made) is not valid consideration. However, there are exceptions, such as where the parties intended the past act to be consideration.
CONCLUSION
Unmet expectations lead to disappointment. While everyone desires mutual love and understanding, not everyone knows how to effectively achieve it.
Unlike prenups and other formal marital contracts, the relationship agreement, in my view, doesn’t delve into as many sensitive issues and taboos that sometimes hinder their enforceability. This makes them a viable option for couples seeking to navigate the complexities of modern relationships.
Happy V-Day =)
(Disclaimer: The opinions expressed herein are solely those of the author and should not be construed as legal advice).
If I had read this in my twenties, back when I was a hopeless romantic (still am, just a bit), I would have dismissed the idea. But as I’ve grown older, I’ve realized that every relationship, in essence, involves some form of agreement – often unspoken. A relationship agreement simply makes the terms more explicit – it just lays it all out on the table.
Let’s be real, most conflicts in relationships are caused by mismatched or misunderstood expectations. Creating a relationship agreement can help (or force) couples have honest communication. When both partners openly discuss their wants, needs, concerns etc (imagine, no more guessing games!) they can better understand each other and work together to address whatever challenges come their way.
Some might say that having a written contract kills the romance. But from a different perspective, what’s more romantic than two people laying down the groundwork for a long-lasting love?
Ultimately, love is a risk. But with open communication and mutual understanding, a relationship agreement can help mitigate some of that risk and make the connection stronger.
To the author, may you find the Amy to your Sheldon or the Mark to your Priscilla. Happy V-Day.
Dear M,
Thank you for your kind words and insightful perspective.
I recognize that prioritizing emotions over rationality in romance and relationships could potentially pose challenges to the success and effectiveness of the relationship agreement. As someone who tends to lean towards the thinking spectrum, my views and aspirations regarding the relationship agreement are undoubtedly influenced by this inclination.
It appears that a more thorough exploration of the concept of ‘romanticism’ is required in order to gain a clearer understanding and address this issue comprehensively.
A little vague on the enforceability aspect- Can you kindly comment on intention playing a part in enforceability? that such contracts between families and friends may not be ‘enforceable’ if not created with the purpose/intention to have legal effect
Hi Priscilla, I completely agree with your point about enforceability being the primary challenge within this agreement, particularly in addressing the presumption that agreements among friends and family members stem from love and affection rather than the intention to create a legal relationship.
That’s precisely why it’s crucial for agreements like these to be documented in writing, as demonstrated in the sample provided in this article, to unequivocally establish the Parties’ intention to be legally bound.
In addition to expressing the legally binding nature of the agreement, one approach I’ve been considering involves formally assigning roles to the family member/friend, even if it entails the payment of EPF as a means of solidifying this intention. I’ve been exploring the idea of designating friends and family as “financial partners” and I’m curious to see how such arrangements might be interpreted by the courts.
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